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Date: Sat, 30 May 1998 14:24:29 +0800

---------------------- Forwarded by Salwani Abdullah 0147/Undang-undang/KLN
on 05/30/98 02:29 PM ---------------------------


Fazlinda Fudzil 0120
05/20/98 09:54 AM

To:   Sarimah Akbar 0121/ESA/Politik/KLN@KLN, Adina Kamarudin
      0128/SEAP/WAAIC/Politik/KLN@KLN, Akmal Che Mustaffa
      0123/WAAIC/Politik/KLN@KLN, John K Samuel 0122/WAAIC/Politik/KLN@KLN,
      Salwani Abdullah 0147/Undang-undang/KLN@KLN, Shazelina Zainal Abidin
      0131/Eropah/Politik/KLN@KLN, Syarifah Norhana Syed Mustaffa
      0126/SEAP/WAAIC/Politik/KLN@KLN, Tengku Sirajuzaman Tengku Arifin
      0133/Eropah/Politik/KLN@KLN, Zanariah Zainal Abidin
      0166/SEAP/WAAIC/Politik/KLN@KLN, Zahairi Baharim
      0118/ESA/Politik/KLN@KLN
cc:
Subject:

some interesting facts 'bout us malaysians....

NATIONAL ENEMY:

Aug 1997 - Litterbugs
Sep 1997 - George Soros, Open Burning
Oct 1997 - George Soros, Open Burning
Nov 1997 - George Soros, Open Burning
Dec 1997 - Currency Speculators
Jan 1998 - Sugar Hoarders
Feb 1998 - Reckless Drivers
Mar 1998 - Illegal Immigrants
Apr 1998 - Illegal Immigrants
May 1998 - Illegal Software Users

NATIONAL MINI CAR:
Perodua Tikus
It's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil but somehow Malaysian
drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers.

NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT CAR SHOWROOMS:
First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then
walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking
every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say
something like "Body not very solid". After that approach
the front left tyre, give it a few hard kicks just to "test"
the tyre. Next walk to the rear right side and press the
body of the car down a few times, and exclaim loudly
"wah, asorbar not bad". Are you done? Now you're ready
to do the static "test drive". Get into the car and give
the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound
the horn, recline the seats, pull and release the hand
brake, open up every compartment etc. Do all the tests
while you're pretending to read the brochure. Finished?
Final test: get out of the car and slam the door a few
times to check for "solid sound". If satisfied, approach the salesman and
ask "How much loan can take?"<P>
NATIONAL RICE COOKER:

National Rice Cooker.
99% of Malaysian households use a National Rice Cooker,
the other 1% don't eat rice.

NATIONAL DOG NAME:

Lucky or Poppy.
Every self respecting mongrel in Malaysia who has an owner
will invariably be named Poppy or Lucky.

NATIONAL BREAKFAST (ON THE WAY TO WORK):

Nasi Lemak
Who cooks and eats nasi lemak at home for breakfast anyway?
NATIONAL BREAKFAST (AT HOME):

Maggi Mee
Also the national lunch and dinner if you're a out of town student,
bachelor, neglected husband, lazy fella, etc.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Maggi Mee.


NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam


NATIONAL CONDOM:

None
Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms.
So they rushed in to a Seven Eleven, hurriedly grab the
nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier
can even blink an eye. If it's not available, Malaysians optimistically
apply the other birth control method. <br>
<i>(See below)


NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC  DRINK:

Stout
Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing
at everything

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):

Food Poisoning

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:

Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law
around, early appointment, food not digested yet, air cond
not cold enough, air cond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take
 the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period,
haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply,
going to watch "Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc.


NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:

None.
Malaysian men never refuse sex.

NATIONAL SECRET SEXUAL DESIRE OF MALAYSIAN MEN:

Transvestites
Every heterosexual male Malaysian seems to have a secret
desire for a "bapok". Come Saturday nights, they will flock
to all those places where the transvestites hang out. They
ogle at them, tease them, pay for their "services", etc.
They never fail to honk in excitement when they see one on
the road. And the Saturday night outings to these places are always in a
group of three or four male friends. It's a kind
of Malaysian male bonding. Yes. Male bonding by seeking
men dressed up as women. It's no wonder that drag shows
such as "Paper Dolls" are ever so popular in Malaysia.


NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:

Panadol
The "cure all" for Malaysians. If it fails we have another secret
weapon;<br>
Tiger Balm.


NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:

Minyak Angin Cap Kapak


NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours


NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):

The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA:

Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun
The miracle cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried"
up. Always pack some of this stuff when you're travelling.


NATIONAL CAUSE OF CONSTIPATION:
Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun
The pills are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful
and overdose on it. No one can help you here.


NATIONAL CURE FOR "HEATINESS":
Eno, Leng Chee Kang, Chinese Herbal Tea, Tonic Water, Barley Drink, Chin
Chau.<P>

NATIONAL PASTIME ON WEEKENDS:

Queuing up patiently at 4D shops<br>
This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same
people jumping queues, elbowing the next guy at the bus
stops, train stations etc.<P>

"Betting Tip"
THEORY & REALITY. The probability of you winning the
first prize at a 4D game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend?
Imagine you're at the Merdeka Stadium and you're standing
on the field facing the grandstand. There are only 10000 spectators and you
 have lost your car keys. One of these
guys in the crowd have found your keys. I give you only one
chance to pinpoint that guy. No way right?! So much for the theory. Now for
 the reality. Malaysians are an optimistic
lot and I believe that the possibility of your lucky number coming up in a
permutation is always almost 10 to 1. That
is why the next morning at the kopi tiam, someone will be  screaming %#*&!
Na Phui! Number Terbalik! My good friend
Loo Singh, a regular punter has offered the following tips.
When you're at any KTM (Kuda, Toto, Magnum) outlets always
avoid a queue consisting mainly of Chinese. These fellas
don't like pen and paper. They bark their bets across the
counter causing unnecessary delays. Avoid the queue where
there are many Indians. Indians like to place RM 1 bets.
Only problem is they place about 200 RM 1 bets at the same
time. The whole of Sentul probably "tumpang" him. Go for
the queue where there are many Malays and Indonesians.
Usually, they  place small bets and only on one number.</em><p>


NATIONAL WATCH FOR TYCOONS:

Usually the model with the gold bracelet and diamond studded bezel.<P>


NATIONAL WATCH FOR YUPPIES:
Tag Hauer
Every yuppie's must-have "show off" accessory. Usually
further down the wrist, in the palm is a tiny Motorola
StarTac cellular phone. The irony is that Motorola spent
much time and effort creating a phone that fits comfortably inside the
shirt pocket.


NATIONAL WATCH FOR THE REST OF US:

Rolex, Tag Hauer, Raymond Weil or Patek Philippe from
Petaling Street.<P>

NATIONAL PAJAMAS:

The Sarong (and the Pagoda T-shirt)
There was a loud bang one night in my neighborhood. Within 5 seconds,
all the busybodies (including yours truly) arrived at the scene of the
accident.
Two cars had collided at a junction and fortunately no one was seriously
hurt.
This  is a mixed neighborhood (Malays, Chinese, Indians, Bhais, Seranis,
Matsallehs, etc, etc) and everybody at the scene was smartly attired in
sarongs and tee shirts. Of course, with the heat, half the males were
topless, revealing an interesting assortment of spare ribs, spare tyres,
etc.  Oh yes, the registration numbers were duly recorded?<BR>
<i>Speaking of road accidents, the fastest thing that arrives at an
accident scene in Malaysia, other than the busybodies, is the tow truck! If
 we privatize our police, ambulance, fire and rescue services, we should
engage these tow truck operators as consultants.</i><p>

NATIONAL FORMULA ONE DRIVERS:
Mini Bus Drivers.


NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere<br>
As long as it is not your house.<P>

NATIONAL FINANCE COMPANY:
Kedai Pajak Gadai (Pawn Shop)

NATIONAL SNACK WHEN WATCHING A MOVIE:
Smelly cuttlefish (during the trailers), Kua chee (during the movie).

NATIONAL PLACES FOR SMOOCHING:
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs.

NATIONAL PLACES FOR PEEPING TOMS:
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs

NATIONAL JAGA KERETA:
Wilson
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:

Carrefour
Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!

<i>On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing Peugeot, Renault or Citroen
correctly. I thinks it sounds better,
when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot". When I was in
school, Milo was always Mee Lo, now that I'm sophisticated,
I say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed saying "Carry 4"
when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as  "rangutan".

<B>NATIONAL ANTHEM OF PETALING STREET:

"Lemon Tree"<br>
Natural successor: "Barbie Girl".<P>
<B>NATIONAL ROAD:
Jalan Tun Razak, Kuala Lumpur<br>
On a short stretch there's the National Theatre,
National Heart Institute and the National Library.

<B>NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT ANNUAL DINNERS:
Attacking the Balloons<br>
This one I can never figure out. When the balloons are
released from the ballroom's ceiling, grown men in suits,
women, children, even the waiters will attack the balloons
like savages. They squashed and stomped on the balloons
so ferociously until not one single inflated balloon is left.
They take no prisoners. They then quietly march out of the ballroom like
victorious soldiers leaving behind a trail of
death and destruction. Animals!


<B>NATIONAL DECEPTION:

The Wonder Bra
Ever wonder why your girlfriend or wife suddenly looked
incredibly shapely when she's dressed up for a party?
It's the Wonder Bra! At this point if you experience a
sudden uncontrollable urge for a quickie, she'll most
likely give you the standard national response:
"I don?t want to mess up my make-up."

<B>NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION:

The Bra-less Tourist
See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less
Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets
of Kuala Lumpur.

<B>NATIONAL POSE:

Stick Two Fingers
Another one which I can't figure out. When you're having
your picture taken, the friend behind you will always place
two "horns" on your head.

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